Going Out with Arthritis: The Reality Behind the Fun
by Eileen Davidson, Arthritis Patient Advisory Board Member
Arthritis can make going out for a night a challenge. There’s this unspoken assumption that once you live with arthritis, your social life quietly disappears. It doesn’t have to, but it does change.
Alison Hoens, an Arthritis Patient Advisory Board member who lives with rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis, says, “Sometimes we need to do things that are ‘good for our soul’, as the majority of the time we are focusing on things that are good for our joints”.
That balance between protecting your health and maintaining your quality of life is important. According to Dr. Susan Bartlett, who is a clinical psychologist, a Professor of Medicine at McGill University, and a scientist at Arthritis Research Canada, staying socially connected is vital to mental well-being.
“Living with chronic pain can sometimes lead people to withdraw socially, especially when fatigue and unpredictability make activities harder,” says Dr. Bartlett. “But maintaining social connections and participating in activities like going out can support your mental health. The key is finding ways to participate that work for your body.”
The Hidden Work Behind a Night Out
When you live with arthritis, going out at night doesn’t mean getting ready and taking a shower. It involves calculating how much energy you have left. You wonder if there will be seating, stairs, or a long line up, or if noise, cold, or late hours will trigger a flare.
Fatigue hits differently at night, since pain builds throughout the day. And once you’ve gone out for the night, there’s no easy “pause” button.
Natasha Trehan, an APAB member who lives with juvenile idiopathic arthritis, describes the reality we live in: “People see me out for a few hours and assume it’s easy, but they don’t see the pain I’m already in just to get there, or how much it takes out of me afterward, depending on the situation.”
She’s not alone, since fellow member Anna Samson, who lives with axial spondylarthritis and fibromyalgia, relates.
“If I make it out to an event, that means I’ve put in a lot of work and prioritized it to be there,” says Anna.
The Challenges of Socializing
Symptoms often build throughout the day, leaving little energy by evening. Pain can also intensify as the night goes on, especially when standing for long periods, navigating crowded spaces, or sitting in uncomfortable chairs.
I experienced this firsthand at a thrash metal concert on a rainy evening. Even though the venue had seating, which helped, I was battling overwhelming fatigue and struggled to stay awake through the show. I pushed through because I wanted to enjoy the experience and spend time with the people I was with, but I paid for it afterward with increased exhaustion and symptoms.
Concerts used to be a regular part of my life. Now, they have become occasional treats that require careful planning and recovery time.
Adaptations That Actually Work
Many people with arthritis feel pressure to “push through” symptoms, but constantly overdoing it can lead to burnout, flares, and regret. Adapting instead of pushing through can make socializing more manageable and enjoyable.
That might mean scaling back activities earlier in the day, resting before going out, or scheduling recovery time afterward. It may also involve choosing quieter restaurants instead of crowded bars, attending shorter events, arriving early, or leaving before symptoms worsen.
Small adjustments can make a significant difference. Dressing for function rather than aesthetic by wearing supportive shoes and dressing in layers for temperature changes can help you stay more comfortable. It’s also important to carry essentials like pain medication or topical relief.
Communicating with Others
One of the hardest parts of living with arthritis can be explaining limitations to others. But communication does not have to be complicated.
Natasha says, “I wish people understood that accessibility doesn’t have to be complicated or a big change. Often, it’s small, intentional choices or a bit of creativity that make the biggest difference.”
Dr. Bartlett says open communication can also help reduce stress and feelings of guilt that many people with chronic illness experience.
“Speaking up about what you need, setting boundaries and communicating your needs is not selfish,” she explains. “People are often more understanding than we expect, especially when we are honest about what helps us participate comfortably.”
Having supportive friends also matters. APAB member Trish Silvester-Lee, who lives with osteoarthritis, says her close friends understand when plans need to change and prioritize her well-being instead of making her feel guilty.
“My self-care is important, and those close friends are supportive,” she explains. “Others who complain when I have to cancel or change plans can add stress. I’ve had to learn to let go of those expectations and be kinder to myself.”
You can still have a social life with arthritis, but it won’t look exactly the same. Embrace the art of enjoying yourself without burning out.
